50x50 3rd Quarter

Summertime is my FAVORITE time in NYC. This year, I enjoyed the many festivals, dining at outside restaurants, and walking alongside the water in the mornings. 

JULY...

In July I took some time off, through the Family, Medical, Leave Act (FMLA), to be more of a support  to my mom and get all the paperwork needed in place for her continued care…I am grateful for the time with her as she ages, we laugh, smile and try “new foods”, I cook meat and seafood almost weekly for the first time in 20 years, she loves it…then there are other times when I am really overwhelmed, sad, and dysregulated. My emotions flip back and forth. I love the times when I can see the world through her eyes; everything seems new and exciting-the beauty of the sunset, the deep color in a lady bug…we’ve been taking pictures and enjoying the moments. Seeing her change, needing support in new and different ways, continuing to lose weight (95 lbs in clothes and shoes), and being challenged by a world that doesn’t support the aging has made me deeply reflect on the “once a man, twice a child” statement my Jamaican family says. 

July was also emotionally hard because Sam, my oldest brother, died on the 10th and his birthday is the 28th…the anniversaries bring up so much….2 years came so quickly and yet have dragged, tossed, and beaten my heart up. I started seeing my mom’s dementia the day we learned Sam passed away. Was it there before? Did it get birthed from the trauma? I ask God why he’s let me loose both Sam and my mom at the same time? Of course it’s different and yet, it’s been so hard. On top of it all, this year the guilt of making it to 50 and he didn't .

After taking some time off, I had a new staff person begin…yayyyy!!! I realized how much I needed some relief from the level of work I have been holding. Grateful for the opportunity to support Black women in their careers and to increase the team so there are varying views, thoughts, and approaches to the work. Also attended a Leadership Team retreat in Chicago for 3 days. It was great! We played Phase 10 well into the night and my colleagues learned that I am super competitive. I thought a lot about my best friend Marcy because she was as competitive as me and we often argued if we were on the same team…I miss you Marcy, wishing you were here for my 50th…which is coming quickly.

I also attended a BIG goodbye party to the Therapeutic Nursery School at the Child Development Center.  The school where I first realized I wanted to be an Infant Mental Health Clinician...where I learned what it means to teach preschool children with special needs, how the goals are big and if you lean into the small goals and pay attention to the small wins the big wins come...I can't believe the doors to such an amazing preschool are closed, after 40+ years of service to the special education preschool community in NYC. What a gift to have been a part of the journey...

AUGUST...

August, I broke my first bone, does that count in my 50x50 ? My pinky toe was broken as I hopped and acted silly with my mom…I twisted my foot and I felt something; yup, it was a break. Needless to say, all I wanted to know was, “can I still go to Costa Rica?” So off I went two weeks later on an adventure with @BookedTrips to Costa Rica. I spent a couple of days in San Jose and loved the beauty of the city and the dramatization of the history tour at the National Theatre of Costa Rica…What fun …and what technology, they built a mechanism in 1891 that lets 13 people move the theater floor to meet the stage when they hold dances .

After a day in Costa Rica, I met up with the group I was traveling with @Bookedtrips. We did a 4+ hr drive to Puerto Viejo where the young women prepared me for the Beyonce concert…teaching me the songs, (eg. I called a song Fan, that is really titled Heated, they wanted to be sure that I knew when to look around and be on mute . Puerto Viejo...The culture, the people, the food, waterfalls, and the black sand beach are beautiful. Traveling with a group that loves books, travel, and having meaningful discussions was a gift!!! We stayed at Sonora Carribean Yoga Retreat, where we did yoga for a few days  and a sound healing, one evening, that let me rest deeply. I practiced swimming in the pool and at the beach, hiked in the National Park (my doctor said I could) and connected at night to amazing BIPOC women. This girl could get used to waking up and having fresh meals prepared, especially when the owner of the resort says, “we’ll make whatever you want!” We traveled around to different sites (BriBri waterfall, met w/a Shaman, etc…) all with our bus driver David, who laughed, told beautiful stories, flicked lights on and off as we sang songs and on the last night brought his twin 13 year old daughters to meet us…he took them to dinner while the group went to dinner. Jalisa, the host of @Bookedtrips, created and curated such meaningful connections with local BIPOC businesses all over Costa Rica; it is a trip I will never forget.

When the group headed home, I headed to LaFortuna to see the volcano and rest. This social introvert was exhausted. My first day Amor Arenal I got up early, went to yoga, had a great breakfast and slept the rest of the day…my room faced the volcano and had a deck, with a hot tub, it was beautiful, peaceful and the perfect place to read and rest. In LaFortuna, I decided I wanted one adrenaline rush and boy did I get it-waterfall rappelling and the monkey drop …not sure this was doctor approved as I had to kick off the rocks to repel…there may have been some swelling …so I did more chill types of activities the rest of my trip- rainforest bathing, massages in the rainforest, yoga everyday, Janzu, and the hot springs. Janzu took me on an aquatic healing journey, and boy did it release some walls that I had been holding up in my heart, mind and spirit. Grateful…

I came back to the states and three days later was on a train to DC for my youngest brother’s wedding. Aaron Spence is now a married man ! I have a beautiful sister-in-law Liana and the Spence clan keeps growing.

SEPTEMBER...

Here’s a picture of some of the Spence clan…

my 3 siblings (seated), and my two sister-in-laws. Shout to both sister-in-laws having locs…come through ladies . My brothers look so much like my dad, it’s crazy. The genes are strong!!!

After a few days with the family, my nephew and I headed to LA…for Beyoncé. We got to attend the Renaissance Tour on her birthday and what a treat it was, I got in the car with my nephew and Beyoncés voice came over the speaker Hi Kahh!…” After we listened several times, I cried because I realized Kahh chose to share such a special gift with me (He was invited to the Beyonce concert by her and her hair care brand team, see here). So of course this was a beautiful part of my 50x50, I saw Beyoncé for the first time and did a concert in LA. Saw Diana Ross on stage and Kendrick Lamar….then a few days later I did another first; I drove a Tesla… Thanks Kahh for the concert, getting to experience it all in a fancy suite, meeting people I've seen on tv, IG and the internet, driving your Tesla, and then eating at fab vegan spots!!! It was such a gift to spend time in LA with my oldest nephew; grateful!

Me & Kahh, photoshoot before the concert...

I stayed in LA for a week, then headed back to NY, spent a week with my mom and got to celebrate her  her 82nd birthday!!! She is a spitfire of a woman who has pushed through so many barriers after growing up in the South during Jim Crow, raising two children on her own, and getting her Masters of Divinity at 65 yo...I salute her tenacity and drive...it is a gift to me and our family.

After the weekend festivities, I flew out to Minneapolis, MN for a conference. I presented on Liberated Leadership with two AMAZING women. The session set the tone of the conference we were told by many (though the keynote speaker was supposed to do that…lol!!). The session focused on Black folks leaning into a decolonized, Black Liberatory way of leading. Lately, I’ve been reflecting on the gift of all the thoughtful, reflective, gifted, brilliant Black women in my life. 

Eva & Angeligue presented with me at ZTT Learn Conference...

Came back and spent Saturday, Sept 23 with a friend, Deborah,  for an event for Kerry Washington in the Bronx at the Boys and Girls Club. She spoke with Tarana Burke, also from the Bronx. It was a powerful discussion on growing up in the Bronx and what you learn on the journey. Also received a copy of her book, Thicker Than Water, before it was released. 

The next week I was in Austin, TX for HerStory, a Birth Justice initiative that teaches and digs into the history of birthing in the US and how slavery’s devastating legacy plays out today in our country for birthing people. Black women are dying around our country giving birth…and birth justice seeks to honor the dignity of every birthing person... HerStory was a painful reality and a beautiful gift—-a reminder that what’s needed is something very different in America.

I flew home October 1…we’ll pick up here next time. 

Thanks for joining me on this journey, I have already hit my 50x50, and feel so extremely grateful to this community. For those who’ve taken me out, rocked with me at a concert, Broadway shows, ate at the many new restaurants or met me at a new destinations, THANK YOU. 

It was my plan that I’d be living somewhere for a month in November, and the additional cost of a caregiver this year has made me rethink that plan…so my new plan is to play in my backyard, NYC. If you want to do anything with me in November, give me a shout out!! Celebrating this birthday has been a true gift!!! 

Love you all!